Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. Children of borderlines are at risk for developing this complex and devastating personality disorder themselves. The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. Understanding the Borderline Mother. Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. by Christine Ann Lawson. ebook. Dr. Lawson's recommendations for prevention include empathic understanding of the borderline mother and early intervention with her children to ground them.
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Editorial Reviews. Review. "This straightforward, engaging book is an excellent way to begin eBook features: Highlight, take notes, and search in the book. Online PDF Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children and Volatile Relationship, All Ebook Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping. With picturesque nosology, Dr. Lawson writes about the waif, hermit, queen, and witch mothers. Her unique examination of borderline mothers.
It's a start. The book falls short on telling you what to do now that you understand what you are dealing with. Of course, it didn't set out to do that and other books do , so I don't fault it for that at all. Just don't expect this book to help in that way. View all 3 comments.
Oct 23, lov2laf rated it it was amazing Shelves: I wouldn't have picked up this book without being told "Holy crap, this is your mom. Not me. I've always known in some way that my mom is a basket of dysfunctions, a walking trail of tears, an emotional vampire, a bulldozer, a blackhole for attention, unstable, and a child but it's all lost in a nebulous abyss of "something is wrong with her.
Why can I wouldn't have picked up this book without being told "Holy crap, this is your mom. Why can't she just be a, b, and c and do x, y, and z for me? You know. Be normal. So, for anyone that feels somehow diminished, the parent, or more like crap in the presence of their mother or meets other people's mothers and finds themselves in shock because those ladies might as well be an alien race from another planet, this book is a must read.
The book doesn't set out to cast BPD mothers as villains but more as a validation of the child's experience who lived with such a mother. The author, Lawson, breaks down borderline personality disorder into layman's speech in easily digestible parts and, though a highly educational and not necessarily a fun read, I wasn't overwhelmed.
The book starts off defining BPD and then we learn the why behind it The author then breaks the BPD mother down into four archetypes: I'd say this is the part in the book where the rubber meets the road and the epiphanies are firing off with nearly every word because the examples are so crystal clear and line up with the behaviors of our moms.
Seriously, I nearly ran out of ink highlighting the passages. Each mom usually presents more strongly with one archetype and then also has a secondary.
Along with their primary and secondary archetypes, characteristics from all four can be in play at different times while some never arise at all. Lawson also goes into the types of men these women marry, also archetypes, and how all of the parental archetypes in this BPD world impact their children, us.
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And, for the love of Pete, she mentions ways we can be aware so we don't pass BPD down to our own kids. She ends the book with tips on how to have your mother in your life in a healthier way in present day. To be clear, this isn't a "fix your mom" book. This is a book about validating your experience, offering the child of a BPD ways of changing their OWN behavior to protect themselves when with their mothers It may sound confusing but really the book offered me a deep understanding of the hows and whys of my own mother and gave me a way to talk about her and my experience.
It's really an invaluable tool and one I'll continually refer to when I need it. View 2 comments. Jul 01, Amie rated it it was amazing. I just read this book in one sitting.
I ended up highlighting almost as much as I didn't. I can't think of a better book for a child of a borderline mother.
I kept thinking, "This is it. This is it exactly. Sep 12, Joy marked it as to-read. View all 6 comments. Apr 13, Kelly Boone rated it it was amazing. Wish no one needed this book but if you do, it's a good resource to help you understand your crazy childhood.
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Creepy-relatable and you will walk around in a daze after realizing your hell was a thing, not as much of an anomaly as you probably thought. Apr 17, Kristy rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: It made me anxious, relieved, sad, and exhilarated.
It's helped change my life. Recommended to people who find resonance in these terms: Jun 19, L. I didn't read very far into this book.
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It brought back so many painful memories that I was unable to finish it. But I felt morea acceptance of my life with a very difficult mother. Jun 21, amaya rated it it was amazing Shelves: Apr 15, Eli rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Recommended to Eli by: Some view it as a subtype of PTSD.
Others consider the condition and its symptoms so vague as to be diagnostically useless and suggest scrapping the term entirely. By the end of Understanding the Borderline Mother , I saw the case for all 3. Though Lawson provides hope for the borderline's children, she consistently insists that BPD cannot be cured, that their feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and emptiness can never be assuaged. This makes her constant insistence that, for mother and child alike, "therapy is the only course" especially hard to swallow.
Overall, this book gives great information on BPD and those it impacts and gives excellent suggestions on how to deal with the borderline mother all easier said than done, of course; Lawson can tell us all about how poorly the borderline mother will react to certain behaviors she advocates, but she's not the one who has to deal with them. Lawson's constant harping on the need for therapy and I say this as someone who was helped immensely by therapy - it's not for everyone and tedious overuse of epigrams from Alice in Wonderland , "Cinderella," "Snow White," and The Wizard of Oz bog things down, but anyone with a borderline or suspected borderline in their life should read this book, and take the time to lower the automatic defenses that will surely come up as they read it.
Feb 16, Terri rated it really liked it Recommended to Terri by: Dan the Man. Was your mother extremely moody, clingy, helpless, angry, unpredictable, crazy, rejecting, etc.?
And if you have some traits yourself, you'll find yourself saying "yikes! Addressing this personality disorder and working hard at improvement is well worth the therapy hours and cost. Er, the chapter on the Witch type of borderline mother is rather disturbing, dealing with really pathologically ill mothers who abuse and sometimes kill their children.
Jan 11, Beth rated it it was amazing. This book answered so many questions.
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If you have a bpd person in your life, particularly a mother or other authority figure, this will be difficult to read, but also freeing. It is NOT your fault. You CAN'T control it It's heartbreaking when it's someone you love Apr 18, Jef rated it it was ok Shelves: The dipictions of borderline mothers was so depressing that I had to stop reading the book, especially since I grew up with one. I already know how frightful they can be. Feb 29, Passenger B.
This has been an - almost - annual re-read for me in the last three years because I discover something new every time I read this book. If you are the adult child of a BPD mother then I could imagine, also from what I have read in other reviews, that every sentence is going to feel like a revelation.
For anyone else interested in the many facets, four sub-types witch, queen, waif and hermit of the BP mother, the kinds of men who find themselves attracted to these women and what their childre This has been an - almost - annual re-read for me in the last three years because I discover something new every time I read this book.
For anyone else interested in the many facets, four sub-types witch, queen, waif and hermit of the BP mother, the kinds of men who find themselves attracted to these women and what their children usually have to endure in terms of abuse, it is equally eye-opening and very informative.
The book draws mainly from the most infamous and violent cases, citing the stories of Diane Downs and Susan Smith for example, but also mentioning Joan Crawford for example, which was a nice contrast.
The author illustrates the effects on adult children that the BP mother's abuse has and doesn't leave one with much hope that such mothers can or are even willing to change, seek help by means of therapy or similar. I wonder whether that is because so few of these mothers with this affliction actually make the effort to get better or if that is an oversight. From other books I have read and personal experiences with BP's I must assume it may just be the former.
They may engage in hoovering, promise to make an effort or even make a minimal effort for a brief period of time but that is usually it. The suggestion to set boundaries is nice but the problem with BP's is precisely that they will mostly not care about any other person's boundaries but their own. Such boundaries may work better for therapists or clinical professionals dealing with these personalities because as soon as it becomes personal there are few ways of defending yourself in any way, shape or form, no matter how calm, rational or reassuring you act.
In that sense all cluster B personality disorders are very similar and the only viable way of healing from their abuse is simply just to cut off all contact with them, which this book unfortunately seems to overlook. Jan 21, Amy rated it liked it Shelves: First the good things about this book: I really appreciate the amount of case study information, examples from historical figures, and correlations to real experience. This book is not esoteric or written for experts.
It's written for children primarily of these mothers with the goal of helping gain understanding so the title and give some beginning skills for coping. There's also a useful section on the types of men BPD mothers are attracted to.
I won't go into my personal reasons for readi First the good things about this book: I won't go into my personal reasons for reading this book, but I will say that so much rang true here that I will return to the book many times.
The bibliography in the back is sound and the author cites her sources, which I appreciate especially from a therapeutic book of this nature. That level of research removes the text a bit from the land of woo woo and places it in sound academic thought. The reasons I could not give this more stars: First, Lawson is not a writer. There are no transitions from paragraph to paragraph. She's very elementary in her writing ability, and as a heavy reader and professional writer, I noticed.
Aside from the readability, parts felt repetetive.
Perhaps that's to reinforce the concepts or offer more examples, which isn't bad. This isn't a five, just because I reserve that for books I love or hold some special place for me.
It's not a four mainly for Lawson's writing. That aside, this should be required reading for anyone in therapy who suspects their mother might be BPD or have some combination of Cluster B issues.
We use your LinkedIn profile and activity data to personalize ads and to show you more relevant ads. You can change your ad preferences anytime. Upcoming SlideShare. Like this document? Why not share! An annual anal Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr.
Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. Jason Aronson, Inc. Publication Date: We want your feedback!Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am so glad that I did, I cannot even with it. Apr 18, Jef rated it it was ok Shelves: Brown This book does an admirable job of validating what anyone who's been in close consort with someone with NPD already knows.
Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. I've said it before, I'll say it again - just because someone gives birth to you doesn't guarantee their status as a parent!